In any relationship that involves some kind of collaboration, it is not unusual that someone is not doing their job. They can be your partner, your employee, your colleague, your kid, or anyone you’re frequently interacting with. You often feel they don’t understand what they are supposed to be doing, and you probably try hard to make them change. However, the odds are your effort will most likely go down the drain, and you’ll only find that at the end of the day, no change has taken place in them at all.
Why is this always the case? To explain it, perhaps we can start by thinking about what motivates a person to do things. Well, generally, there are two fundamental types of motivation: coming from the outer and coming from the inner. The former includes the cases when a person is asked or forced by someone else to do certain things, or when a person is trying to meet the expectations of other people, or when a person doesn’t know where to go and is simply jumping on the bandwagon. The latter includes the cases when you feel like doing something for personal entertainment or growth, or you are doing something you are passionate about, or you take the responsibility that you commit to yourself.
Although a person may be motivated by the outer world to do certain things, if this doesn’t turn into something inside their inner world, they’re very likely to take it only at face value. For example, one student is only learning whatever is likely to appear on the exams, but not willing to spend time and effort understanding the materials on a deeper level. Admittedly, the world is evolving so fast and perhaps we can hardly invest enough time in everything we do. However, it is only possible that after we take something into our hearts then we’ll be able to do things proactively. So if something hasn’t got into someone’s heart, chances are they won’t change their way of doing things.
The worst mistake that we often make is, perhaps, to force someone to do something that we think is good to them. If they do as what you say, their motivation is undoubtedly coming from the outer stress. Thus they’re not in a state of changing themselves. On the worse side, the more you push it, the less likely that they will take it into their heart and change themselves, thus more likely that your effort will turn to dust. If you don’t realize this and continue pushing it harder and harder, then most likely, they will be pushed even further away from the direction you set for them.
I believe the only way that someone can change is by themselves. They will not be able to understand the necessity of change or take any effective action on their own until they really, really take it into their heart. But to help them make the transition better, there is certainly something we can do to help. In a nutshell, if we can effectively influence or inspire them, they will probably take on the first step to change themself. This is yet another very important topic that worths exploring more. Stay tuned!
(To be continued)
